Tag: Writing

Sunlight and Shadow

Sunlight and Shadow

Sunlight and Shadow

I remember looking up at her window
as she looked down. And the electricity I’d feel when our eyes met like that.

I remember watching her float down the stairs
in her white sundress, laughing as we walked
out into the warmth of the summer sun.

And the way she tilted her head
when she laughed at my jokes.
(Even though they were hardly funny.)

Now, when I walk by, the window is cold
and vacant. The shade is always drawn.
Now that she’s gone, the sun has lost it’s warmth.

Now her house just reminds me of her smile.
And how it’s gone from the world.
How the echoes of her laughter are just in memory.

Now I can’t tell her all the things
I never had the courage to say.
And I won’t get to see her smile.

But I’m still here, walking by her house.
Expecting to see her standing at the window,
her sundress mixed in sunlight and shadow.

And though I know I won’t see her
I still feel that little rush of electricity
as I look up to that window

which proves that she’s still alive
in my memory, and in my heart.

untitled

sometimes…

numb.

is better than

feeling this way.

 

somtimes…

numb.

is the only way to see clearly.

the life that

one can’t

bear…

 

to feel.

The Cardinal

Fear grabs me by the throat on my way out.
I look up, the sun turns its face and I see a cardinal-
beak upturned, its regal crown made of fire-
a garbage truck screeches by. I look up again
to see a vacant white gutter.
Quickly opening the door and locking myself in the garage
breath not coming easy enough to keep calm.
A two minute pep talk and a click of a button
the dying sun creeps into the garage.

Backing out I park, click, and wait
for the door to close.
one ,two, three
by one, two, three
with one, two, three-
door stays closed, allowing me to release
focus.
Rear view mirror, a small cardinal red truck
lights shining through my eyes and fear strikes again.

‘Calm, got to stay calm.’ It can smell fear a mile away.
steady speed, turn signal on, three clicks, then off
turning slowly, a crowd gathers as chainsaws rip
through fresh wounds in the limb of a fallen tree.
They don’t even notice the red demon following
as I try to escape.

Turn, and turn, and one last turn
it keeps following close, then further
then closer again. I slow as I turn left
and the beast stays on a forward path.
Breath comes (finally).

Thirteen more blocks and I’ve stopped atop the damage.
leaves and limbs screaming at the wind.
A white cat appears from the stoop as she leans over to pick it up.
“Does she look like a domesticated cat ?”
I look in the rearview, “Not sure.
But red things are following me, make sure one doesn’t follow
me when I pull away.”

She laughs and points at me, waving at them.
(I must have imagined that, right?)
So I pull away and make an immediate turn.
I can hear something growl… or was it a purr ?

Three more red things following me,
but I make it home, and safe-
In the garage.
Hot air sinks in and clogs my pores, making it
impossible to breathe.

‘Only twenty more steps’ I tell myself. Twenty
more steps and I’m safe (inside)

With a fluid motion: right wrist turns, pulls open
the door, a quick stride as I
nearly leap from the doorway,
closing behind (breathe,
step, step, step)
back door sliding open,
cool air rushing  into
my lungs, slamming humid air
and menace outside and…

Breath. Cool… slow… breath.

I look up and in the yellow streetlight, I see
a cardinal flying away.


Answering the phone, I create and push memories backwards through time

In the golden morning sun
i am reminded of the ghost
of a young asian woman
whose name I don’t know.

i think of her while reading
poems of william carlos williams,
and while making cake
with my daughter, kadie

i see her from the corner
of my eye, when an eyelash
flickers near the duct,
stinging, causing a salty tear

and i can hear her sigh as
i awake to the ringing of the phone
“Hello ?” I answer, only half awake,
but there’s no one on the other end

Closet

“Here, just stand here and be quiet.” she covered her lips with her index finger to say ‘shhh’, “I’ll come and get you when he’s gone”

She ushers me into the small closet in the kitchen, gently closing the faux walnut, accordion doors. It was dark, but lines of light fell onto my Incredible Hulk slippers. It was dark, but the orange-yellow light from the kitchen falling on my feet kept me company, kept me safe.

I could hear voices down the hall. I couldn’t make out any words, just muffled tones – one low, one higher – back and forth behind doors. I looked down at my slippers and smiled. It was warm behind the walnut brown doors. It was calm above the slivers of light coming in through the slats.

A loud scream, a dark word howled, a metal creak and a large car door slamming. Engine on, tires kicking up dirt and gravel on their way towards the highway. The doors opened and I was covered in light.

Wringing nervous hands in her apron, “Come on, go wash your hands for dinner”

Conscious Eating

“Conscious Eating is the awareness of how the food we
eat affects our body, emotions, mind, and spiritual life.
It is understanding how what we eat directly affects the
planetary ecology and the degree of peace we have with
the human and animal life on this planet…”
– Dr. Gabriel Cousens

The more I learn about our industrialized food system in the U.S. and the more I learn about the benefits of a vegetarian and vegan diet, the more quotes like this I come across. This idea seems so rational compared to the barbaric and wasteful food consumption system so many of us have grown up with.

Conscious Eating, what a wonderful term. I think if more people ate consciously, a WHOLE lot of our current problems would sort themselves out. If our minds and bodies weren’t sluggish masses of stored high fructose corn syrup and grease, maybe we would have the energy and the creativity to solve some parts of our (seemingly) impossible situation – crime, disease, climate and ecological disaster, etc, etc.

Instead of mindlessly filling our mouths with greasy, fat filled, vitamin and nutrient deficient convenience food while giving the two hundred click stare at the blue flickering television, sitting as a typical american family, side by side on the couch… maybe we could sit around a table, seeing each other and eating food that is alive with all the things our bodies and minds need to fully realize their potential. And we could eat and look at each other, and … smile.

Sutra with a Vengence

No Eye, Ear, Nose, Tongue, Body or Mind, no status, no tweets, no +1, no contacts, no media and no lol cats, no anonymous and no end of anonymous, no cutting until we come to the realm of no blood, also there is no trolling because there is no cause for trolling and no response to trolling, no emails and no responses, gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha…